Sometimes, after a long day of corporate takeovers, I just don't have the energy to boil the brown rice and dice the veggies and drizzle it with sesame oil. Sometimes, I want a small fry and a small Coke from the drive-thru. So, I get a Happy Meal. (Yes, I know it's unhealthy. Don't even start in on that. HATER-FREE ZONE! NO HATERZ!) I throw away the burger cuz it messes with my gluten allergy--but, oddly enough, doesn't faze my beef allergy.
The whole point of the transaction is to get the toy, so I can take it home to the human kid. (Often, when I am flying back from my Shanghai biz trips, I forget to buy her a souvenir and end up purchasing a double-decker bus-shaped handbag at the duty-free in Heathrow.)
So, the cashier will ask me, "Is it for a boy or a girl?"
And, that's where it gets complicated.
I end up defending a dissertation through the speaker board while holding up the lunch line.
"Well, I'm a cat," I say, "but I'm only eating the fries in the meal. The toy isn't for me. It's a gift for someone else, a little human girl, BUT, she would prefer a DC Comics action figure to the mini Madame Alexander doll. You see, she really loves Iron Man and she got a huge kick outta that Aquaman she received the last time we were here."
And then through the speaker, a static-y voice asks, "What?"
"Boy! It's for a boy!" I yell.
And then, I opened the box expecting to see Batman or Stretch Armstrong.
WRONG.
WRONG!
There she was, a mini Cinderella-version Madame Alexander.
Maybe the cashier had malice in her heart cuz I yelled. Maybe a dog-lover was working the drive-thru. I just hope human kid isn't too disappointed with her doll. Cost: $3.17.
Speaking of gender issues Bede....
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